Thursday, May 26, 2016

It's ALL me

I saw a post the other day on Facebook of someone so happy about the last bit of years. How the years gave back to her, launched her and helped settle her into how content she is today. I thought it was great and I thought about how much must have been woven into all that time of her life. Lots of ups and downs I’m sure. A good example though of how keeping your eye on the prize and steadily moving forward does a lot for a person (and says a lot about a person). It made me happy to see them so happy after walking through a good chunk of years, and then it got me thinking about my own travels in my life so far. What the heck happened here in the last 20+ years? The years have definitely given back to me in good ways and, of course, I've definitely given it a run for the money at times as well.

As I sit here, instead of just looking back on “how far I’ve come” I want to remember the “wows” and go beyond the great of today. And I can tell you my life has had many of "wows", and no, they are not all awesome. 

This isn't one of those big, deep posts that will ramble on about how meaningful life all is, it's just a pause to stop and think (maybe get you thinking) about all the “in betweens” that take place over the chunks of time in our lives, you know, the "let's forgets" and the stuff we don’t care to discuss often. But maybe that's the  “other good stuff”? We all have landed where we are today but what all took place? Certainly not just a smooth run with rainbows, unicorns and all the glory we could handle, right?

I mean, if I wanted to just try and boast about ME today, I'd say I'm an accomplished designer, published author, mother and a friend. My daughter is awesome and my boyfriend is amazing. I own pets, a Jeep and a house (and wouldn't we all just love to go on?) but really, there is so much more to how it is that I am exactly who it is I've become, even if it's not all glamorous. There is another side of my life that makes me ME today. Should we set aside these less pretty things? I think they could be respected.

Without going too deep into my wins and woes, I skim the top of what all has contributed to ME...

Way back when, I was bound for college, nothing could stop me. And whew, I made it! And then I’ve had some amazing jobs. I waitressed for many years adding to the bank while I worked the real job, moving up as I could. I’ve been a live-in nanny, a kids clothing designer and worked nonprofit helping kids in underprivileged schools. I’ve worked as an artist painting murals and people's families, children and pets! I’ve worked in graphic design, IT, marketing, web development and design again.  I’m a proud mama who has lived in the Minnesota snow, Colorado and it’s mountains and California on the beach...what a great mix! I've had the best of friends and have been a good friend back. I've been fortunate to have gone paragliding and rock climbing, and learn the art of fly fishing, which I still love. And I have to say I feel lucky that in my very young and fun days in life, I didn't drop health and fitness as something important over the years. I've loved and been loved (cliche, I know).

But also way back when...I’ve been married and I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve failed at work at times I knew I was better, and I've failed as a friend. I lived with the fact that I supposedly couldn’t have children (but then I did...what an amazing blessing). My dad passed and family pressures put me in a very dark place. My body has been weak and I've had multiple surgeries that wore on me deeply and physically. I've lost some people I considered friends along the way and have felt alone. I wear my heart on my sleeve and unless you do too, I can’t tell you what a unique struggle that alone can be. 

I’ve been so stressed my hair was falling out and so sick I lost more weight than I’d care to admit. I’ve gotten beat down by people close to me and sadly for the tough chick I think I am, I had to give up the fight. I’ve had great relationships, failed relationships, and meaningless relationships I’ll never forget. I’ve been happy with myself and then so mad at myself I couldn’t stand it, and even went so far as to have lost a relationship with myself altogether at one point (glad I came out of that). None of those times were pretty, nor were they any sort of boost to my moral.

Should we just admit that most of the time we look at ourselves, we are concerned about where we are today, and what it all says to all the people supposedly looking at us? I mean, are "they" really all that concerned with us? I say respect all of yourself. And it’s not just about today. We are made up of what we were as well and our travels to get where we are. What are you made of? What’s behind that social media smile presented to the world?

The long yet short of it is, take that look back and be grateful. The bad times have possibilities and the good times are gifts. It's the whole of us, that makes us who we are. Whatever you are made of, take a real look and give yourself a pat on the back...though it all, here you are.

Friday, April 3, 2015










Just when you don’t expect it, something awesome happens! While going about my day and sorting through my to do’s, there it is! Incoming note that I have been given the Liebster Award! What is this you ask? Well, if I may repeat the words of Celia Kennedy (the wonderful blogger who nominated me), Liebster (German) “means beloved, sweetheart, lover, darling”. It is an award that exists only on the internet and is a great gift to newer bloggers, given from a blogger, to a blogger…and may they continue to pay it forward.

My blogging has followed my path in life. For years, I actually blogged under another name and almost felt too shy to put my words out there. I’d rather hide than be known for what I had to say. Who would really care? And if they did, I probably wouldn’t know that, or know them anyway so why did it matter?

But it does matter. And to me this world of blogging has so many perks and gives so much. It gives to the reader (when it hits the right person at the right time) and it gives to the blogger (for all the things they have to share…it just feels good to give what you know, share a little bit and put yourself out there).

My path continues and today, it brings me here, to the Liebster Award through Celia Kennedy. Celia has given me some questions to answer and with my intro behind me, I give you those questions along with my answers. So take a read as I, along with many other bloggers, continue to pay it forward.


And P.S. Celia – I love Mary Chapin Carpenter and she really nails it with your last song, The Bug!! :)


My questions and answers:


What was your first blog about?

My first blog was under another blog space that I had before I moved to my permanent space here. I had a blog about how “Half is just that…half”. It was about the fact that many of us say that we are “all for” something or this way and that, but when it really comes down to it, we may not be. It’s that it feels good to be a part of something but then again, something keeps us from being “all in”. Relationships, careers, moves…so many things. It got a great response and although I was writing mostly for me, I realized there were others that felt the same and some I seemed to have hit right when they needed it. Felt great.

How would you say your blog has evolved?
This new set up I have evolved through some book reviews. I started this space particularly for that reason but over time, I knew that I had more to say and that I could do all of it in the same spot. So, I opened up KeatsWrite and that is my new home. Blogs always seem to start for a purpose…you feel you need one or should have one, or people want to see your stuff there. To me, and what I think now over time is that a blog serves a purpose that holds many layers.

What do you find most satisfying about writing?
Telling stories and sharing thoughts with different points of views! Really? Writing can get people thinking and that’s what it’s all about. Don’t be shy about having your own point of view and be open and willing to listen to other’s. It satisfies me when something I put down hits home or takes someone on a needed escape. I love what it does for me and hopefully what it can do for someone else (on any level), plain and simple!

Has your blog led you in an unexpected direction?
I can say it has in a way. It’s helped me get some of my individuality back. I think we get so involved in work and misguided goals and/or feeling overwhelmed with obligations that we can forget that there is real person inside! What is around us does not define us and by being able to “blog what I know” helps me stay grounded to who I really am.

How many blogs do you read?
It can vary but I can say that I have some I read regularly but I never limit myself to those. I like to step out of the box constantly to see what else is out there. There are so many great people sharing in a day you can’t get them all but when you can, you reach out for just one more.

What grabs you about someone else’s blog and have you incorporated it into yours?
Confidence.

When I started reading other people’s blogs I found the variety. There are people that work very hard to say the right thing and there are others that say how it is (with professionalism mind you). Either way, when I read a blog that exudes confidence, has some humor and I can know and feel that there is a real person behind it? I just love it. I like to think what I have to share can make sense to someone and I also want them to feel that I am a real person and exist behind it. 

If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you do?
What I would do exactly, I would never know but I can tell you this…I would definitely still be communicating. Meaning, I would want to do things that said “I was here”. What am I learning each day? Are things getting better or am I dying? What does “this human” go through alone? I would hope it would be a story that would be a touching account, if not mean something to someone.

You can travel to anywhere in the world! What location came to mind? Have you been there before or would it be a new experience?
If I had to pick this very minute, I would get on a plane and head for South Africa. What is there waiting for me? I don’t exactly know but I sure do have an awesome and romanticized idea in my head. I would go there and try to find it. I have not been there or anywhere like it so the new experience would be great and would change me on some level, I am sure.

Your blog goes viral and you are asked to vlog – would you want to?
Absolutely! I’ve actually done this in journal form for myself and have had thoughts of doing some in my blog.

Have you ever revealed something in your blog that a loved one was surprised by?
Not a hidden fact or anything (like I hate sardines) but more of by the way about me period. I’m a deep thinker and have a lot to say when I get back in my head and let it rip. I think that it’s been surprising to those closer to me these days that I am that person (and always have been). You don’t always have those bigger discussions with people and it can take a while. To read something can be a surprise that you let yourself go there at all. So…maybe not “surprising” but more like “eye opening” is how I see it. J

Tell us a great story!
When you say great story I have a short story in my head that I read recently. That was isn’t mine but it sure makes me think of it though.


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Spidey Sense
Carrie and Tara had been left home to hold down the fort while their parents went out.

Whew!! How did they get out of all those errands?? Guess they had been growing up regardless of what their big brother thought. Perfect. The two girls were three years apart with Tara being the older one. 10 and 7 and feeling pretty awesome about being left in charge of themselves. Their family had horses and dogs, among other things, on a farm out in the open fields of Minnesota. 

Well these two girls were on their way. They had BIG plans. They weren’t allowed to leave the house while their parents were away. All the kids in the area had a habit of running into the woods or finding a random beach somewhere and getting lost for hours. With no mother to call them home for dinner, they may not make it home at all! So there they were, all grown up and nowhere to go. What to do? Beauty school! They went down to the bedroom they shared and got all set up. They had brushes, hot rollers, hairpins and all the makeup they could gather.

They were getting along great and feeling quite accomplished with their hair art when all of a sudden Carrie started to point to the closet. The closet had two bi-fold doors with wooden blinds. All white of course, to match the trim in the bright pink room their daddy had painted for them. Tara looked over and they both just stared at it. There it was about two blinds up from the middle. It was a spider and it was on the move.

Now these two girls were crazy afraid of spiders. Anything outside on the farm and around did not bother them but when in the house, it was a different story. The girl’s father wouldn’t be able to even begin to count the number of times he had come down to “get the spider”, along with checking every nook and cranny in the room. But he was not there. No one was there. They were alone and oh boy, did the terror set in!

First thing Tara did was to whip a brush at the closet door to squish it. Clearly, neither girl was going to go get the little monster. This was the best attempt they could muster to keep it from eating them alive! After throwing the brush and hearing it bang against the door, the two girls huddled together, closed their eyes and let out high-pitched screams. When the coast was clear they each took a peek. To their horror, it was still there AND it had moved again. Only slightly but now the legs were really showing. It’s shiny black body just glaring at them.

At this point, the hair project was off the table. This was obvious. They were thankful for all the supplies though! They spent the rest of the afternoon throwing the rest of the hair styling items at the dang thing. It wouldn’t budge! As their fear grew, so did their distance between themselves and the spider. When they ran out of hair goodies they turned to other little trinkets and things they had out on their bedroom shelves. Notepads, bells, pencil boxes…you name it.

But that spider would NOT move! They were hungry by now and had cried a few times. They talked about their lives and how they loved being sisters. Carrie even fell asleep at one point but Tara was stubborn and remained bound and determined to get the evil invader. She lasted longer than Carrie but soon enough, she too had fallen asleep.

When the parents came home and the dad went down to check on the all-too-quiet girls, he stood in amazement. The room was in shambles. The girls woke up and were both talking at once, and pointing. He was much more concerned with the fact that one half of the room and been completely torn apart and that there was a huge pile of nonsense in front of the closet. All the girls could do was continue to scream out their cries for help.

He calmed them down and finally was able to get the full story. It was behind him, they said. It was huge, they had determined. And it would eat him right then and there if he did not save their lives at once.

He slowly turned around. A spider? Sat here all day? He was looking at the door and leaned in a bit closer as the girls took in huge breaths in unison. He bowed his head and, wait, was he laughing?

Carrie was scared to death and Tara was now just flat out curious. What was he laughing at? Couldn’t he see what was going on here?

Well, he did.

The girls had been there all day in defense of their home and their lives. What they didn’t know is that whatever spider had possibly been there once, was now long gone. And with the ruckus they had caused, it was surely long gone and then some! What they had been scared of all day, and what robbed them of their once-only chance at freedom…were brush bristles.

Yep, when they threw that brush they scared that spidey alright. They also got brush bristles stuck in the blinds of the door!

If only those two would have taken a calm step back and then gone in for a closer look. 

Note-to-self for those two, take the time to assess the situation and DO NOT PANIC.  

Yes, my sister and I learned a valuable lesson that day. J


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With that, I thank you for stopping by and taking a read and a big thank you to Celia Kennedy for the nomination! She is a published author and a blogger among us. Be sure to check her out!



         



As this award moves on, here are the Liebster Award Rules:

1. Acknowledge and link back your nominator. 
2. Answer 11 questions given by the nominator.
3. Nominate other bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
4. Here’s the challenging part: Think of 11 new questions to ask your nominees.
5. Let your nominees know that you have nominated them.   

As I pass the award, my Questions for Terry LeeVenky Iyer and March McCarron are:

1. What is the first thing that comes to mind for you when you think of what defines you that might be surprising to your blogging audience?
2. What did you think of the blogging concept when you first thought of blogging for yourself?
3.  Were you able to reach your personal goals in 2014 or did some (or one in particular) carry over to 2015?
4.  Speaking of personal, do you write solely for the public or do you have private journals of your own?
5.  When you are feeling under pressure for whatever reason, what do you look to for relief?
6.  Now that you have been writing for a while, what is your favorite piece (personal, published, or in the works)?
7.  What do you find the most enjoyable to read?
8.  Most writing today is clearly on computers…do you carry a notebook or handwrite any of your notes and ideas?
9.  Blogging is different for everyone. How does it feel for you each and every time you post? Meaning, does it tend to feel like a task or is it more for personal satisfaction? 
10.  What would you say to someone who is a bit more removed from the electronic world and thinks that all of us “bloggers” are just wasting our time?
11.  Now that spring is here, what does it mean to you where you live?

As this award moves on, I’d love to read the answers to the questions! Let me know when you are sharing your Liebster Award blog because I’d love to check it out! I hope you enjoy putting more out there as much as I did. Thank you Celia and happy blogging!